Tuesday, August 15, 2006

PhD, May I?

"Can I take PhD?" "Nope!" "Why?" "........." "You don't want a doctor to become your husband?" "Why must I?" "Status mah!" "I can call u doctor at home!" LOL "It's different." ***********************

"Can I take PhD?" "No." "Why?" "I will suffer for 5 years." "But after 5 years, I'll have more than for you." "How?" "After getting my PhD, I can be lecturer, my time will be more flexible, then will have more time lor."

********************* Hubby been asking me many many times on this topic. Why I not allow him to take PhD? Mainly due to I will have no more Sunday family time to be with him, and only Sunday is the best time for us to be with the kids. He'll take it as part time student, just like he done for his MBA, then attend classes every Sunday from 9am to 5pm. For MBA, he took 2 years to complete all his papers (target set at 2 years and he able to achieve it), while for PhD, he needs at least 5 years. For me, this is a long period.

I fully support him for taking up MBA as he been begging me for long time, I feel guilty, so give in. Another reason is at that time Wien already 1 year old, she need less attention as compare to newborn. Now he feel both girls are big enough, also need less attention from us, so he hope can pursue his PhD.

I don't know how serious he is with this PhD, but he almost everyday ask the same question and also had took back the application form from MMU. I do hope he is not serious this time!

Am I selfish?

17 comments:

Egghead said...

LOL! if the PHD is not from a MD degree... I don't think people will address you as doctor :P

quite confusing especially in hospital :P

michelle said...

He get a title as DR, but you don't get doctress title. Ask him to get Datuk better. :P

Grace said...

a bit lah, who not selfish, but understand your situation at least you have MIL & FIL help you take care Lyon & Wien. Sometime I'm alone take care my kids when hubby busy in his works.

Hellewise said...

maybe that is his dream... but 5 years as part time student is rather tiring especially you gonna miss all the sunday for 5 years.. sigh...

after reading your blog.. it make me think all over again... i plan to study till phd but if i happen to have a family.. i think my hubby will stop me too.. cause parents responsibility is big..

and although your kids is big enough but they still need time with papa... :D

why not tell him to wait for another few years?(just my opinion)

magictree said...

I admire his determination. For me, my brains already 'berkarat' want to study also kenot!

I think if I were you, sure don't want him to study if it is going to take his Sunday away....away from the family.

mumsgather said...

Wow! This is tough! He must really be serious if he is asking you everyday but all those Sundays away for 5 years..... What about Saturdays, do you guys have Saturdays? If you did, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, so that he can fulfill his dream. I think you should talk to him seriously about how you feel about the time away and you both come to an agreement about how you can get some family time other than Sundays. I think its nice enuf of your hubby to ask and as a wife we should try to support our spouse's dream. 5 years can be a short time or a long time depending on how you want to view it. Ask him seriously if he is willing to give up this family time while the children are so young. You'll never get back this time. On the other hand, 5 years can pass fairly quickly especially if he is serious and sticks to his goals like he did for his MBA. I know of a friend whose wife never asked. She just told him that she was going to do her PhD and it wasn't even here. Its away in Melbourne and she insisted on taking the kids along with her too. Is it any wonder that they're heading towards separation and divorce now. So I do think that its considerate of your hubby to think of the kids and ask now only when they are older and require less attention. So talk to him about your worries and see how you go from there. Hehe. Cheonghei hor me....

AsleyLee said...

It's really a dilemma, if this situation happens to my family, sure i don't want my hubby to have his further study too. It's not you're selfish as i think it's normal for woman wants her hubby can be her and family's companion.

I think PHD not only takes Sunday away, how about the revision and thesis days? It takes other precious family days as well.

It's really a tough decision both of you have to compromise!

jazzmint said...

wah tough decision...he's very determined to study huh...all the best to ur decision. Me really not good in advising this matter :D

blurblur said...

Hmm...really tough decision here.

My hubby just completed his ACCA and now he is talking about taking his CPA or CFA (whatever lah, i also blur already ;p), i told him so long as the course doesn't takes place on every weekend, i am fine with it.

For your case, it's more difficult as he will be sacrificing 5 years of weekend family time...like what mumsgather suggested, have a good talk with him and try to work out something that the both of you are comfortable with.

All the best! :)

miche said...

for me ah, when it comes to studies...go ahead. my hubby is now taking his 2nd degree, part-time.

not necessarily sunday for family time, weekdays also can. quality time together is better than quantity. if can get both, better lar...but for the time being, sacrifice for a better tomorrows.

my hubby even encourage me to pursue my MBA or take a 2nd degree but my children is taking up all my time! maybe when they are slightly older.

my boss did DBA and customers and suppliers address hima s Dr Ong.

miche said...

for me ah, when it comes to studies...go ahead. my hubby is now taking his 2nd degree, part-time.

not necessarily sunday for family time, weekdays also can. quality time together is better than quantity. if can get both, better lar...but for the time being, sacrifice for a better tomorrows.

my hubby even encourage me to pursue my MBA or take a 2nd degree but my children is taking up all my time! maybe when they are slightly older.

my boss did DBA and customers and suppliers address hima s Dr Ong.

Zara's Mama said...

err.. I think you are not.. You can tell your husband to do his PHD later.. when the kids are older.

With a PHD, yeah.. he'll be addressed as Dr.. but then.. what about time loss with the kids? They are at this critical age now which needs a lot of our attention.

beckysmum said...

Why man so hardworking one? Hubby also never stop thinking about taking PhD. He just got an offer from JPA to futher his studies in Netherlands. Anne and I will be following also. I got to give up my seniority in my work, taking 3 years un-paid leave just to "stick" with him and make sure, we as a family still stay together during his study period. Anyway, he takes PhD by research not by course work, still can consider as full time working people!

Ever consider to apply scholarship to study as full-timer, like my husband?

Jesslyn said...

Egghead,
It's not the title that he wants, he just want to take up a course and fill up his time. Strange hor?

Michelle,
Datuk sound so OLD ler...LOL

Grace,
No doubt I hv good helper at home, but I still prefer hubby to be with me every weekend!

Hellewise,
Hi, welcome to my humble blog!
"wait for another few years?" Sound great for me! Thanks.

Magictree,
I like study but dislike exam time, so stress!
err....i think slowly i hv to give in too!

Mumsgather,
We did have Sat,but I work on alternate Sat, so sunday is a precious family time for me.
I think best way is suggest him to delay his plan, wait till the girls more older a bit.
p/s: btw, tks for your long long comment, not cheonghei lar!:P

Hui Sia,
ya, i have not count in those revision and thesis time.

jazzmint,
i do admire his determination sometimes, and very proud of him too! But when think that I have to forgo those sunday time, then i in dilemma! sigh

Miche,
he also ask me take MBA, but i refuse, my mind was : family come first, also dont think i can concentrate study.
During week day we all too tire lor after back from work!

Zara's mama,
while he doing for his MBA, he still spare some time to be with the kids, as he feel guilty too!
Perhaps delay his plan is the best way now.

beckymum,
oh, your hubby also another hardworking man!:P
Well, if my hubby got such opportunity, i will not stop him lor, for sure i will follow too,with the kids along! LOL
Full timer? His wish too!
btw, welcome to my blog!

IMMomsDaughter said...

Why I so late hor? Can still blah ah? If I were in your shoe, I will say No too or at least KIV until the kids are older but I see you've more or less made up your mind already hor?

chanelwong said...

Hmm...very tough decision ar..
I am not the right person to advise..

Me dream of doing Master but now totally cannot...

Let us know what is the decision yar...

Jesslyn said...

Imm,
still welcome your view!
*sigh* seem like got changes ler, he wish to finish it ASAP ler...arghhh...

chanel,
me also no study mood now...